I am a family therapist licensed since 1992. The focus of my practice is helping individuals and families successfully navigate life transitions e.g. divorce, kids starting high school, or finding balance as a stepfamily. I have seen many families over the years who following a divorce experienced both personal distress and fractured parent-child relationships. The burning question that emerged from this was: How could we structure a less adversarial way to resolve divorce issues, and protect the children?

The Collaborative Divorce process

The answer to this is by utilizing the Collaborative Divorce process, which since 1990, evolved from divorce mediation. In the Collaborative process both spouses and their respective counsel come together for face-to-face discussions outside of the courtroom. These discussions allow for an atmosphere of openness and honesty where creative solutions unique to the family are explored through interest–based negotiations. The focus of these discussions is to reach a full resolution of all financial and custody issues including a comprehensive parenting plan A financial consultant is used to obtain an objective sense of the family’s economic resources. This includes the worth of the pension plan, mutual fund portfolio, and equity of the house. Agreements are signed that protect these discussion in the event that one of the parties later initiates adversarial court proceedings. The clients use licensed therapists from the onset to help strengthen communication skills, and lessen emotional reactivity, as the divorce moves forward. The licensed therapist’s role in this process is as “ divorce coach”. Rather than allowing the divorcing spouses to being subject to the blame, anger, and mistrust that is unfortunately common in many custody hearings, the divorce coaches facilitate parenting meetings to work out children-focused agreements. The guiding principal being respecting the integrity of each parent to maintain an intact relationship with their child(ren) The end result of this Collaborative Divorce process is the completion of a comprehensive settlement agreement reached outside of court, with less emotional distress than a traditional litigated divorce.

My involvement with the collaborative process is deep. I am a member of Collaborative Practice of Silicon Valley, and serve on their research committee. I am also a member of Collaborative Practice of San Mateo County, where I serve on the public education committee. In May 2006 I will provide a workshop on Interdisciplinary Collaborative Divorce along with three colleagues at CAMFT, the state family therapy conference.

What I Offer

As your divorce coach our work together is to empower you toward success in the collaborative divorce process. Coaching with effective communications skills e.g. assertiveness and negotiating, enhances confidence and effectiveness toward achieving your divorce goals. For some of my clients a range of situational based symptoms such as: depression, anxiety, sleeps disturbance, anger, or impulsiveness, emerge during the divorce process. In response coaching sessions help manage these reactions and enhance well-being. At times some clients report their separating-spouses triggers them during the divorce settlement meetings through facial expressions, wording, voice tone, or body language. If this lessens your effectiveness or results in painful emotional states, coaching sessions addressing this make all the difference. Having worked with divorcing individuals, some who utilized traditional litigation and some who utilized the collaborative process overall I observed more favorable outcomes and emotional well-being with the latter. On a parallel track as your divorce coach I facilitate meetings with both you and your separating-spouses to co-create a parenting plan. The underlining principals include fostering the emotional well being of your children, and honoring all family relationships e.g. grandparents, aunts and uncles etc. I create a respectful, and solution focused atmosphere where you and your separating-spouse can candidly discuss concerns related to the well being of your children. Strengthening your rights and that of your separating-spouse to maintain an intact relationship with your child(ren) are supported; the particular form this takes is fashioned by mutual consent. Of equal importance is your children being protected from parental disagreements and free of “divided loyalty” pressure. Because these meeting occur when requested by you, addressing holidays schedules, educational concerns, and other parenting issues happen in a timely manner. The end result is mutual agreements with strong commitments. This is because you are an active participant in the agenda setting, discussions, decision-making process, and the formulating of the parenting plan.

 

Interested? For a free phone consultation contact:

Neil Penn MFT
(650) 888-6118